I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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