never play flip cup with pint glasses
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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