I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...