You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
