i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?