make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs