A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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