im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.