I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow