hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sext me about skeletons
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
