Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
