the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
