That's intense
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
