He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
