Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
