im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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