Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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