I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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