Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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