Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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