Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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