Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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