How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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