"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
