Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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