Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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