He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
