Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
