I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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