Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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