I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
