Pappa wants mamma naked
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
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