He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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