paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
