we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
cat food counts as protein by the way
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
