For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
