Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
