2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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