Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
