im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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