People with herpes should wear stickers.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
