ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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