Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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