the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I am naked and annoyed.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
