I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
