Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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