I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
