It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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