I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
