Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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