Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
