God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
