there's paper in my vomit.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
