I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
