??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Screwed.edu
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
