he told me I talked like a deaf person
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
