He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
