watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
