I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
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I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
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I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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