Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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