I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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