it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
