he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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