i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
