lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
