I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
