I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
