i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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