White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
