Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
