Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
