i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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