the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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