yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
