I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
