I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
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So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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