I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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