dude i'm inner monologue high
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Did I show you my penis last night?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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