hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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